Meredith students, we need to talk. As resident squirrels, we’ve noticed a significant decrease in the amount of crumbs dropped around campus over the past year, and frankly, we’ve had enough. Why is everyone eating in their rooms and not in the courtyard with us? Since when have people started leaving locations nicer than they were found? I mean, how hard is it to stop by campus and leave us some chips or an ice cream cone?
The members of the Campus Squirrel Society (CSS) have tried to search the internut for a way to gain access to human food since Meredith students have decided to abandon us but apparently you need opposable thumbs to use a keyboard. We heard from the Nut Carolina State CSS Chapter that there is something called a pandemic that caused our beloved students to leave us. So, we have formulated a request that would allow us and local collegiate humans to come to an agreement about crumb distribution once things become a little less nutty.
The request asks that when you all return to campus in the fall, you would keep us squirrels in mind. We’ve missed you...and your mess. For our sake, leave an extra crumb or two of food around. That’s right, we’re telling you to leave spilled food! In return, there will be no more leaving of acorns on the sidewalk, no more of us running onto the road at the last minute causing you to slam on your brakes; heck, we’ll even tell the Campus Bird Society to stop using your cars as bathrooms! Okay, that may be a tough sell, but truly, the squirrels of Meredith do miss seeing you students around campus, and we are looking forward to sharing an ice cream cone in the courtyard soon.
The Campus Squirrel Society
On Earth Day and every day, it is important to take care of our campus and the little critters that live here. Please do not litter around campus or feed campus animals any food that is not a part of their natural diet.
By Ally Cefalu, Staff Writer